I learned so much today. On the radio they were telling about a treatment that had my love had it, it might have saved him. I got angry, but I remembered what my love always said, "When death comes, even the doctors are silenced." So it was that he left. Then of course, the saddest song came on the radio so I could hardly drive. It's been raining out here in the desert, and I am getting use to all the water (from the sky and my eyes). The clouds have really been amazing. I keep looking up and wondering if the image of the clouds as heaven is just an illusion. Then I wonder if my love can see me or look down upon me. The idea of weather makes me think not. I'm sure it doesn't matter, but I still question and wonder. I wish I could just have faith. My dogs are barking at something they see or hear but I don't. So, I'm off to speak with them and I don't even know if they understand.
Moving through my grief after four years can now handle some laughter and tears. I want and need fewer tears and more laughter.
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